Today is Halloween.
The most controversial day in the Christian calendar.
It’s more controversial than which version of the Bible you prefer to read. It’s more controversial than your views on the timing of the tribulation. It’s more controversial than having a woman preach in your church.
It’s a really really bad day for many many Christians.
Should Christians celebrate Halloween, or should they not?
Most Christians agree that it’s a holiday based in paganism and devil worship. But few agree on how best to approach it. To disregard it is touted as cruel to your young. To celebrate it is accused of the sin that leads to death.
Churches fight about it. Christians attempt to redeem it. Personally, I simply skirt the whole issue by making sure I work on it. I mean that literally.
Here’s my annual halloween tradition: My shift starts at 5, which means that despite my lack of any fall decorative items anywhere close to my house, between the hour of 3pm and 5pm I turn all my lights off in my house and hunker down in the basement.
Then at 5 minutes to 4, right when I’m about to hit the road for work, I slowly make my way to the surface, look to the left, look to the right, then bee line it to my car faster than a skunk at night.
Yes, Halloween is a dreaded day in my life for a whole number of reasons, and at the risk of angering about 52% of the readers of this blog, I’m about to make it worse for you by giving you my thoughts on the
13 Most Pathetic Ways Christians Try to Save Halloween:
1. Treat and Trunk parties in the church backyard.
2. Dressing your kid as a Bible character for their halloween outfit.
3. Having a halloween party and calling it a “fall fest”.
4. Dressing up as a hooker and claiming your “Christian Liberty” card.
5.Dressing up as Jesus and claiming your “Good Christian” card.
6. Giving your kids gospel tracts to hand out as they go trick or treating.
7. Handing out gospel tracts instead of candies when tots come trotting to your door when all they want is a lame piece of chocolate. (Try hunkering down in the basement with the lights off like I do instead. It works).
8. Sermons dedicated to bringing down the entire holiday once and for all.
9. Flicking candy corns at kids dressed as little devils.
10.Withholding candy corns to kids dressed as little devils.
11.Making a list of all facebook friends who celebrated halloween and whom you intend to defriend on Nov 1.
12.Calling it All Saint’s Day in an effort to make it Holy.
13.Not letting your kids trick or treat the houses with evil decorative items like zombies, graves, and witches.
Wait. Did I just give you 13 reasons why I think Halloween is pathetic? Aaaah. It’s a conspiracy I tell you. I must add a 14th.
14. Blogging about how lame Christians are about halloween.
Disclaimer: this post is intended for satirical interpretation and does not accurately reflect the views of the writer.
Disclaimer #2: I did write a post about halloween last year. You can read it here. Single people do have it easier in many many ways. Not having to over analyze Halloween for your kids sake is one of them. Any additional thoughts or questions about halloween are welcome in the comments section.
Photo Credit: Jen Pollock Michel, author of one of my favorite blogs findingmypulse.com.