Last week I joined for a day.

I don’t know how I missed the red flags leading up to it, but I did.

Every one of my “single for a lifetime” friends had just gotten hitched. I had a week off, and every where I looked couples and families were enjoying barbeques and vacations together, while I remained alone, alone, alone.

So in a moment of weakness, and a few clicks of some buttons, I wasted $71 on a 3 month subscription – for a day.

You’d think someone who’d written a book on singleness with a focus on self-pity would see it coming.

But I didn’t.

So for 24 hours I watched my match profile receive views and winks until I finally bent over in disgust and vomited up the well of self-pity that had accumulated in my gut.

Self-pity has a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it.

It reminds me of mono. Or herpes. Once you get it, it’s forever in your system, even though you may not notice it. But given the right stressors and the right triggers, it is likely to exacerbate itself and make its presence known.

So for 24 hours I dealt with an exacerbation of self-pity that by God’s grace didn’t last as long as it could have.

And since I wrote an entire chapter on self-pity, I thought I would share with you 4 lies that if believed will always lead to self-pity:

#1 The lie that you’ve been given less than you deserve

Self-pity, though it seems humble, is really rooted in pride. Though many of us say that we believe that God has given us more than deserve, what we really mean is that when it comes to “my” life, I think I deserve just a little bit more than I’ve been given. I mean, doesn’t God know all I’ve done for him? Doesn’t God love me as much as He says He does? What starts out looking like a tiny lie becomes a boulder that will crush you if you don’t correct it.

#2 The lie that you’ve been given less than others have been given

There’s nothing that will make you feel worse than lining up your life with someone else’s and finding yourself on the short end of the stick. “It’s not that I’m not happy for them” you tell yourself, “it’s just that I’m sad for me”. And before you know it, you’ve bought it hook line and sinker and you’re sinking under the waves of self-pity. You don’t know the full story. You don’t know the half of it. Paul in 2 Corinthians 10:7 says this: “Look at what is before your eyes”. He’s right.

#3 The lie that you’ve been given nothing good

It doesn’t take long for me to start sounding like Charlie Brown. My life stinks. I don’t have anyone to go on vacation with. I haven’t had a date in God knows how long. Everything stinks. God doesn’t love me. God doesn’t care about me. God hasn’t given me anything good in my life. Uh Oh. Sound familiar? It may be that you’re finding yourself in the pit of self-pity too. It’s time to get out and it starts by watching what comes out of your mouth! Stop believing this lie.

#4 The lie that things will never get better

Ok. This one is bad because it’s so basic. Things ARE going to get better. God DOES have a purpose for your life. ALL things WILL work together for good. You may not see it yet because you’re in it, but soon you’ll see: deliverance is coming. Nothing will paralyze you in your Christian walk as much as the lie that things will never get better. God is love. His ways are perfect. He will get you through it.

It doesn’t matter how dark your pit is, the darkness is not dark to God.

Seventy one dollars and a day later, God finally shook me out of my stupor of self-pity and propelled me back into the light of HIS truth with a reminder that self-pity can be quite costly.

I pray he uses this post to propel back into the light too!